Like a lot of things, the first day of practice came out of nowhere. And I had no good excuse for not managing to get on a pair of skates beforehand. Busy happens. The goal? Don't be the first one to fall.

A little progress goes a long way and I was feeling pretty decent. Until we were instructed to stop.

Laying flat on my back and pretty sure I was the first man down, I raised my hands victoriously. Primer! Back on my feet I re-evaluated.

The goal? Protect my assets: acquire padded shorts. Those things are expensive. One review titled "Happy Tailbone" stood out, ".....if you fall hard enough, you get hex shaped bruises on your butt!" How could you resist that enthusiasm?

They came just in time for learning baseball falls. The review was right, folks. I earned my very own beehive booty bruise.

But derby isn't just battle wounds acquired, it's skill. So I'm changing my goals again: show up and consistently challenge what's comfortable.