So we had our first ever bout last night.  It was only for a few of our family members, but we got to play!  Everyone was excited, everyone was nervous.  We were split into teams so large that it would have given anyone who knows Derby a pause, and we were split from our friends.  It was strange having an us and a them.  I would see someone from the other team make a clever move and it made me want to cheer!  Even though she was on the other team.  I am sure someone else will give you the full rundown of the game if you ask (and be careful who you ask or you could be stuck for an hour hearing about every play!) but for me that not what I'm left thinking about.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm the first to offer up a comment and the last one to stop chatting.  It would seem to many people that I have no fears.  After watching me practice jumps a couple weeks ago, and subsequently watching me fall, one of the other girls made a comment that had me thinking for a while.  "You're missing a part of your brain!  The part that tells the rest of us to be afraid of things!"

Am I fearless?  Do I throw myself into things without a worry or thought?

No, but I want to be.  I want to be that fearless amazon.  I want to be powerful and strong.  I want to be sexy and tough.  I'm none of these things.  Not on the inside.  On the inside I am plain and scared of everything.  On the inside I am lonely and shy.  On the inside I am unsure of things.  I have a secret though.  Wanna know what it is?

I fake it!

I know it doesn’t sound like much news to you. I knew that coming into this that it wouldn’t be easy. This week I had my second practice with the Wave One skaters. I almost didn’t go. I almost quit Derby. All because of my first practice with the Wave One skaters.

Two weeks ago I decided that if I wanted to be better at Derby I needed more practice. So I went to my first practice with the big girls! I was really excited and I was really surprised at how far ahead of us they are. I barely kept up with the pace line and I was unable to actually lap it when my turn came. It sucked but that just meant that I needed to skate more so I would be faster. Then we did some drills, hard, but not impossible. Then it came time to scrimmage.