bal·ance
/ˈbæləns/ Show Spelled [bal-uhns] Show IPA noun, verb,-anced, -anc·ing.
–noun
1. a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.
2. something used to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.
3. mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

A few weeks ago I started supplementing regular derby practices with a weekly speed skating course. It required basic skating skills and a helmet. The helmet, I had for sure.

To that point I'd been renting traditional skates from the rink for practices. They'd been outfitted with wider wheels that had a good deal of grip. Before derby I'd been completely ignorant of the importance of wheels. I still am in a lot of ways, but let me tell you, walking into the first speed class with a pair of Reidell R3s and their factory wheels it was like the first night of derby practice all over again. Think of wearing dress shoes on ice instead of boots or sneakers.

This was a week of extremes. My body was just not having it. I stayed home from work one day. That night I watched the girls learn whips from the sidelines. This was a big deal for me as I hadn't missed a practice yet and whips are the derby's meow. Maybe I don't always have the energy for practice, but it often arrives when I get there. That night, my gear sat dull and dry in my trunk.

Sitting on the bench I studied posture and feet. The day before I'd seen footage of myself in action for the first time. The contrast between me and the other girls was obvious. It reminded me of elementary school, when we learned that buildings with more give survive earthquakes with less damage. I had to get low.

Later on, at my computer, I came across a posting from Look Like a Rockstar, Skate Like a Roller Girl titled, "Playing Hurt". (http://rollerderbyworkouts.blogspot.com/2010/08/playing-hurt.html) The author wrote:

Like a lot of things, the first day of practice came out of nowhere. And I had no good excuse for not managing to get on a pair of skates beforehand. Busy happens. The goal? Don't be the first one to fall.

A little progress goes a long way and I was feeling pretty decent. Until we were instructed to stop.

Laying flat on my back and pretty sure I was the first man down, I raised my hands victoriously. Primer! Back on my feet I re-evaluated.

The goal? Protect my assets: acquire padded shorts. Those things are expensive. One review titled "Happy Tailbone" stood out, ".....if you fall hard enough, you get hex shaped bruises on your butt!" How could you resist that enthusiasm?

They came just in time for learning baseball falls. The review was right, folks. I earned my very own beehive booty bruise.

But derby isn't just battle wounds acquired, it's skill. So I'm changing my goals again: show up and consistently challenge what's comfortable.